Brothers
Caiden reading his Advent gift for the day to Corin...a book about boats and ships!
Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. ~Marc Brown
It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea. ~Dylan Thomas
Three cheers for Bumbo seats!!!
(a favorite Christmas gift)
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose. ~Garrison Keillor
In the Morning
We laugh at the memories and her stubbornness and we cry for ourselves. We remember and honor her. Her casket lays in the same room that held my cousin Gabe - 3 months my senior - as we said goodbye several years ago.
As my cousins carry Grandma's casket to the car, a cousin's brave voice lifts to sing along with the piano..."I will meet you in the morning....Just inside the eastern gate."
One by one, we try to join through our bittersweet tears. My dad - sitting in front of me - struggles for sound. But as her grey box comes by us, I hear his voice gain strength and hope and resolve as he sings his last song to his mother...I will meet you, I will meet you. Just inside the eastern gate over there.
And we all - sons and daughter and cousins and grandkids...we sing it to her.
During the funeral, I glance at the row of my mom's family who had come to support. The Wolfs and the Parsons have a rich history. They are acquainted with grief. They know what it means to be present.
I see my Aunt Nancy - who had driven hours just to be there for the short service. She has buried a 3-year old daughter and a nephew and a brother and father. And my Uncle Charles....who said goodby to his son Gabe in that very room. Then buried his father and father-in-law and brother. My Grandma Parsons - who has met the challenge of stage four cancer this year. And my cousin Brett in the back, holding my baby. He stays out of the room that holds too many memories. And in front, in the Wolf row, my cousins who buried their two-month-old baby girl.
Grief lines run deep on our faces. But there is a peace - a knowledge and hope - that comes from realizing so vividly that this earth is not our home. There is an understanding that helps us to love even more fiercely. To hold tighter and looser all at once. When we sing that song that we've sung at too many funerals, we mean it with every fiber of our being....
After the funeral and burial and dinner, we drive to Overland Park to Grandma Parson's. I drop suitcases and breathe and drink in deep the smell of her home. The look of her blue glass reflecting in the kitchen window. The sweet familiarity of Grandma's. We talk as she fixes a chili and salad supper. She looks beautiful in her cancer wig. She cries as her gratefullness pours out - grateful to God for more time with her family.
We talk so often about the gifts of our grief. What do those do who have no Hope? Heaven holds treasure so dear.
I fly home to hug my little family close and go about the joy of the season with fresh perspective.
As my cousins carry Grandma's casket to the car, a cousin's brave voice lifts to sing along with the piano..."I will meet you in the morning....Just inside the eastern gate."
One by one, we try to join through our bittersweet tears. My dad - sitting in front of me - struggles for sound. But as her grey box comes by us, I hear his voice gain strength and hope and resolve as he sings his last song to his mother...I will meet you, I will meet you. Just inside the eastern gate over there.
And we all - sons and daughter and cousins and grandkids...we sing it to her.
During the funeral, I glance at the row of my mom's family who had come to support. The Wolfs and the Parsons have a rich history. They are acquainted with grief. They know what it means to be present.
Grief lines run deep on our faces. But there is a peace - a knowledge and hope - that comes from realizing so vividly that this earth is not our home. There is an understanding that helps us to love even more fiercely. To hold tighter and looser all at once. When we sing that song that we've sung at too many funerals, we mean it with every fiber of our being....
After the funeral and burial and dinner, we drive to Overland Park to Grandma Parson's. I drop suitcases and breathe and drink in deep the smell of her home. The look of her blue glass reflecting in the kitchen window. The sweet familiarity of Grandma's. We talk as she fixes a chili and salad supper. She looks beautiful in her cancer wig. She cries as her gratefullness pours out - grateful to God for more time with her family.
We talk so often about the gifts of our grief. What do those do who have no Hope? Heaven holds treasure so dear.
I fly home to hug my little family close and go about the joy of the season with fresh perspective.
Yes...Grandpa Wolf and Emily and Tiffany and Grandpa Parsons and Gabe and Uncle Stan and Grandma Wolf....
We'll meet you in the morning!
Advent - Emmanuel
t is the season of coming. I have prayed, at times, for God to be somewhere or do something only to have Him stop me in my tracks with the sharp awareness that He already IS. He already DOES.
Even for those of us whose lives are pretty much built around our faith, there are times when earth simply seeps into our skin around the edges. And somehow, for some ignorant reason, it dulls us to the reality of His absolute presence. His nearness. As close as the breath on your lips Closer, even.
The incarnation is amazing. The story of Christmas is delightfully familiar. Sometimes to the point that the wonder of God-In-Flesh loses its breathtaking freshness.
Ever had a baby in your womb? Ever felt it kick and squirm and punch until your skin hurt? (Yes, the babies in this house were all wild even before birth!) Or - if not - ever held one while it slept? Or kissed its laughing mouth? Or bounced it when it cried? I sit here even now and shake my head as I try to imagine Elohim fitting into that kind of package. All of Him? Really? In-your-arms-tiny? With kissable cheeks and all? Surely not.
Surely not the Power that breathed the galaxies and created clouds and painted mountains and stirs up oceans.....subject to emotions and skin and injury and the dirt of life? Walking around the neighborhood?
He's felt it all? Really? The joy of an autumn morning, the ache of loneliness, the agony of loss. Boredom. Anger. Weariness. Irritation.
I think one reason that we don't always bask in the wonder of the incarnation is that it's really so much bigger than us. Our minds can't really get wrapped around it.
But I'm eager to better walk in those soil prints. I'm hungry for Him and His quiet wonder. To sit still and alone in the dark with the quiet glow and to just let Him fill the silence with Himself. You know that feeling when you're all jumbled up inside and you find a closet somewhere and just let the words tumble out however they will and then you finally pause for breath and realize that you're...okay again.
Perspective and quiet and soft joy return. Simply because He's there.
"Emmanuel"..... God. Here. Now.
Awesome.
Winter Recital 2009
This is a bit late, but here is the link for the recital, for those of you who care....You can go here to watch the recital.
(His eager-beaver-bow cracked us up.)
I've been having some thoughts about kids and lessons and mommies and stuff. Hope I can get around to writing about it.
Recitals are so very important. They should be a big, formal, special ordeal (in my humble opinion).
and....This is maybe a sort-of secret (snicker...guess it isn't now), but my Dad has another book up his sleeve that our family is collaborating on. "Raising Musical Kids" - A book for Christian parents about how to deal with many aspects of music...from choosing a private music teacher to guiding your kids in what fills their ipod. Thoughts are swirling and I'm so excited about getting the writing going....
***********************************
PROGRAM:
From the Music Studios of
Jody Johnson and Sarah Fry
Winter Recital
2009Frankfort Bible Holiness Church
November 21, 2009
6:00 pm
A Song about Cats (duet)........................................................Faber
Banana Split........................................................................... Faber
Fur Elise..........................................................................Beethoven
Musette with Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah........... arr. Durgan
Jolly Old Saint Nicholas (duet)..............................................Bastien
Moonlight Music..................................................................Bastien
Jingle Bells................................................................. John Pierpont
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star...........................................Traditional
Rowing Together........................................................Wartberg/Fry
I’ve Got Music (duet)...............................................................Faber
Frère Jaques.....................................................................Folk Song
Wonderful, Merciful Savior (acc. J. Barnard)............Rodgers /Wyse
The Elf’s Silver Hammer..........................................................Faber
The First Noel....................................................Traditional English
Etude (acc. Sarah Fry)...........................................................Suzuki
Beaded Moccasins................................................................Bastien
A Quiet Song.........................................................................Alfred
In Chirst Alone (acc. Merilee Barnard)...................Getty/Townsend
Ode To Joy......................................................................Beethoven
Church Bells........................................................................ Bastien
Pachalbel’s Cannon in D.........................arranged by Rachel Maker
Student’s Concerto No. 2 – 1st Movement, Opus 13.........Fr. Seitz
The River Is In You...............................................................Yiruma
******************
“Music washes away from the soul
the dust of everyday life.”
:: Berthold Auerbach ::
Karissa is 5. She is one of those kids who....how should I put it....doesn't deal well with the patience of physical discomfort. This is, obviously, a major issue with the strength-building of the violin muscles. We press on. I actually think her muscles could be very natural at the violin (some are more than others, did you know?) But she has most-definitely not relaxed into the instrument yet. (major understatement)
Caiden is 3. He recently had a major practice meltdown with tears and everything...because " (pathetic sobbing) the biowin (violin) is swow (slow) moosic and I wike WILD moosic!" So after his practice session, I had to take him to Youtube to prove to him that the violin CAN play wild music. He said, "You're wight, mommy! It IS wild!!" It seemed to help. What a goober.
After I watched the recital video, my crazy self started feeling all worried and discouraged about how my own kids aren't progressing very quickly and how it seems all I'm getting done is the discipline of practice and how Karissa's bow arm angle wasn't right and blah, blah, blah.
But when we walked off the platform after our song, Karissa said excitedly, "Are we going to do it AGAIN?" De helped me to remember that that in itself is plenty of success for this stage.
Family Night :: First Snow Celebration
We woke up Monday morning at Garen & Crystal's to beautiful snow!
We have a tradition of celebrating the first snow with small "snow" gifts (idea from the familyman) and a trip to Dairy Queen for BLIZZARDS (idea from Shar@rejoicing in hope). Aunt Crystal gave the girls their snow gifts this year...adorable scarf/hat/glove sets. And Caiden got a Bearcats hat.
(lovely picture, I know...you get what you get with this girl)
We have a tradition of celebrating the first snow with small "snow" gifts (idea from the familyman) and a trip to Dairy Queen for BLIZZARDS (idea from Shar@rejoicing in hope). Aunt Crystal gave the girls their snow gifts this year...adorable scarf/hat/glove sets. And Caiden got a Bearcats hat.
(lovely picture, I know...you get what you get with this girl)
Back in Frankfort, we had our DQ celebration on Tuesday night.
As we loaded up the van in a freezing rain, we got to dreaming about having a fireplace. We decided we should pray that our next home will have a fireplace. "I don't know a family who would enjoy it more than us." I said. David replied, "Well, I don't know a family who enjoys life more than us." I blame a lot of it on him. Instead of being a distracted, no-nonsense, loving-but-distant dad, he encourages and participates and helps in all of the crazy celebrating we do.
We took a lovely drive through the TPA park Christmas lights. This is one of my most favorite Frankfort Christmas traditions. The kids enjoy the rare chance to unbuckle their carseats and sit up front with us. We roll down the windows and turn up the Christmas music.
Ah yes....trying to get a good picture with kids piled on my lap, baby crying, David driving on....Oh well. I tried.
We ended the evening with carols and prayer around the Christmas tree. (At which time all three kids mysteriously decided to fall apart into various weeping and wailing sobs for whatever reasons.)
Yes - We are very, very blessed. These crazy times are "family glue." We're writing a history together.
Yes - We are very, very blessed. These crazy times are "family glue." We're writing a history together.
Heaven's Gain.....Anna Mayme Wolf
Grandma Wolf was an amazing woman. At 95, she slipped away today to be with Jesus. She was a sharp thinker, a hard worker. A strong Christian woman with plenty of words and opinions *smile*.
She was so strong, my dad commented one day..."I'm just afraid it's gonna be hard on her to bury the rest of us." She was always bouncing back. Yesterday, we thought she might this time again. But her race was run.
She lived with us in Cincinnati for many years. I am so very grateful for those years that we had with her part of our daily lives....through boyfriends, dates, senior recitals, showers, weddings, babies. What a priceless gift to have had her there in our home for those milestones in our lives.
She had her own little kitchen and pantry in her room, and she would putter around doing her daily tasks....I remember her morning coffee and toast with jam. We used to ride her chair lift up the massive flights of stairs in our old Josephine house. I remember one adorable picture of her in a hat at our little family Christmas celebration.
She was a writer. She wrote her own book...a dramatization of the Isrealites' Exodus....titled "Trip to the Promised Land." I can't wait to make copies of the book for my kids.
When we visited with her in July, she held Dad's arm and patted it and looked at him not unlike I look at my Corin. "This is my baby boy," she'd say, and smile and pat his arm. It was in the last days before her memory darkened completely. We are still smiling today because she was convinced during that visit that my three oldest children were my siblings and I. She was miffed at Kayla because Kayla said that my Dad was "Grandpa." Grandma said, "You don't know....Where's your daddy?" Kayla (wide-eyed) pointed to David. Grandma wasn't convinced and thought that Kayla (aka de? me?) had surely lost her mind. She was completely thrilled with Caiden's overalls. (Thinking he was "baby Garen II", no doubt.) Precious memories. Today, when I told Kayla the news of her flight, Kayla had sad eyes for a minute. Then she started giggling as she remembered how convinced Grandma was that my kids were us.
When Dad first called me today, I had several reacions. Tears and sadness, yes. And that relief that comes from knowing her suffering days are over and she has beat us to the finish line. Then my mind started scrambling for the regrets....the if-onlys. And of course, there are a few twinges of wishing I would have recorded more stories, asked more questions. But there is a sweet sense of joy...of NOT having regrets. Having her in our home and sharing so much of our life was a gift. And I have several books chocked full - in her own writing - of memories and thoughts and histories. I have her journal. I have her blood running through my veins. I lived with her the summer I turned 18 (I think it was) while I worked in Kansas. It was there - I remember the spot on her couch - where I made a drastic life decision. Her practical, honest words were guidance.
No...not regrets. Only anticipation.
And Heaven grows sweeter still....
Anna Mayme Wolf ~ A Biographical Sketch
My sister Rachelle wrote this Sketch of Grandma Wolf's life several years ago, when Grandma was 91.
If you were to pass through Vernon County, Missouri in 1914, you may have seen a farm that stretched across almost a thousand acres. You might have noticed the large pastures where cattle, hogs, and sheep grazed or the rather large barn that contained rows of horses and cattle. Up on the hill, the “Red House”, one of three houses in which the hired hands lived would be sure to catch your eye. A panoramic view from that same hill would reveal the farmhouse, divided into two apartments. Mayme Evangeline and Henry Ellsworth Potter lived in the east side of the house, and in the west side, their eldest son Lewie and his wife Lilla resided. Each side of the house had six rooms, and the windows were open to the outside. During bad weather, they would pull canvas across the windows and fasten it to the wall, but there was no glass, which made the house much cooler on hot summer nights. The two couples shared ownership of the farm.
However, on February 23 of that year this picture changed forever. The family doctor, Fred Albright paid the farmhouse a visit, and Lilla and Lewie had their first child, Anna Mayme Potter. Two years later, Paul was born, and Donald came along by the time Anna Mayme was four.
Together, the three children walked to school through the cow pasture carrying their lunch buckets. On snowy days during the winter, whoever was feeding the cattle in the morning would drive the children to school on a big “sled”, a wagon with snow runners attached and oil lights on the front. They attended a one-room country schoolhouse with a single teacher all through grade school. Anna recalls that on her first day of school, a boy threw her lunch bucket in the creek, and she “never much liked him after that.”
On a typical day at school, the students would say their pledges, and Anna Mayme would lead the singing. Her aunt Ada was one of only two holiness women who taught at the school, and would lead the children in prayer. When they played sports, Anna Mayme was always the last to be picked. She was never athletic, and all her peers knew she couldn’t play ball. However, she was very smart. Even though her grades were second in the county during her eighth grade year, Grandma did not always pay attention in class. Sometimes she would get in trouble for passing notes or not getting her lesson, and would have to stand on the floor in front of the classroom. read the rest of the story here....
Including:
- How Grandma & Grandpa Wolf secretly eloped, then went back to their own separate homes to live for months before their marriage became public!
- A scandalous story about the three Wolf brothers and a bucket of beer
- Why Grandma was forced to be the woman of the house when she was only 16.
- Why Grandma's legs were different lengths
- A doll named Annabelle Evangeline
- An embarrassing story about chasing Grandpa around the yard with a rolling pin
Good to be home...
Two wonderful trips to Cincinnati - Christmas programs - late Thanksgiving feast - early Christmas celebration - precious, priceless Family time....a two-week break from blogging....and now.....HOME with a happy sigh!
Hmm.....should I put away laundry or start a new visual daybook or read one of my fantastic new parenting books or start filling my new iPod? (Where IS that stinky schedule when you need it?) It just seems wrong to have to do laundry and dishes when so many fun things await and I have new toys to play with. Discipline, daughter. discipline.
It's just good to be home.
*****
Four blog drafts wait in storage and many more in my head....so many thoughts I've been silently sharing with you that are itching to be typed.
Home with messes and laundry and suitcases. Sleeping baby and the sounds of singing vegetables. Where I find my big black chair and my fingers can work out thoughts on keys.
FINALLY home to daddy and husband on a cold night with the crunch of snow - after a stop by the airport and two wrong turns and an extra stop to alone bundle and guide four cold kids inside for bathroom breaks.
We haul in suitcases full of happy memories. Kid baths and hair combing and curling. Then we gather in the living room for devotions and Christmas carols around our most-favorite tree.
And now my brain swirls with the productive energy of things to do and exciting projects to start and goals to record. But my body is travel-weary. And I am torn between the urge to clean and organize and whip my world into shape.....and needing to express the creative energies that threatened to keep me awake last night.
It's just good to be home.
*****
Four blog drafts wait in storage and many more in my head....so many thoughts I've been silently sharing with you that are itching to be typed.
From the Shelf :: "Just So Stories"
By Rudyard Kipling
Absolutely Delightful, O Best Beloved!
This is our current read-aloud. We have read bits and pieces - especially "The Elephant's Child" before. But this time we are reading it through - one whimsical story at a time - and are thoroughly enjoying it. It is music to my ears to hear the kids beg for more.
These stories are not deep moral lessons or rich tales of history. They are sheer silliness. But written in some of the most delightful prose that has ever rolled off my tongue. They are a blast to read aloud. The words are so much fun, sometimes Rudyard him self will stop and revel in them.
("Aren't those beautiful words, Best Beloved?" p. 74)
Even if you don't have kids or your kids are too cool for reading, I dare you to get this cheap little book and read it aloud to yourself. If you have any appreciation for wordcraft whatsoever, you will simply be compelled to be delighted.
Kayla is now seven, and has the most fantastic sense of humor. She understands sarcasm and dry humor and she and I have a blast laughing at things th at fly right over Karissa's prissy little head.
The tongue-and-brain-tangling of "The Beginning of the Armadillos" would be a delightful skit. My very-most favorite line:
"Well, suppose you say that I said that she said something quite different. I don't see that it makes any difference; because if she said what you said I said she said, it's just the same as if I said what she said she said. On the other hand, if you think she said that you were to uncoil me with a scoop, instead of pawing me into drops with a shell, I can't help that, can I? (p. 54)"
Tonight we read "How the First Letter Was Written." When we got to the end, where
"Nobody said anything at all for a long time, till the Head Chief laughed; then the Stranger-man (who was at least a Tewara) laughed; then Tegumai laughed till he fell down flat on the bank; then all the tribe laughed more and worse and louder. "
And mercy, we laughed too.
I would like to have had lunch with Mr. Kipling, I should think.
****************
a word on reading with your kids:
Have you ever noticed the difference - when you have conversation with kids or teenagers - between those who seem a bit flat or one-dimensional and those who seem to understand and communicate in deeper shades? I don't mean kids who try to sound grown-up. I mean kids who can have a reasonable conversation with a grown-up about whatever and think for themselves and put words together in meaningful ways. I firmly believe that reading is the window to the world for kids.
"“The question is not—how much does the youth know when he has finished his education—but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care? In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set? and, therefore, how full is the life he has before him?” "
— Charlotte Mason
Plus...it's just really really fun and cool and special to have the general habit of curling up with your kids and sharing books full of silly nonsense and fantastic bugs and humongous dinosaurs and car-crushing trucks and colorful places and children and ideas.
Sometimes I think we understimate the power of seeing and hearing words from a very young age. It sets the groundwork for their language and learning. There are fancy educational names for all that, by the way, but I can't remember one of them. You'll have to ask my sister-in-law Crystal or my mom or some other child-development-education-and-literature expert. But I do know that if I had to make a very short list of things to give to my children....reading together would be on it!
Slight disclaimer: Sometimes the silliness gets a little scandalous: The elephant's child "spanks" all his relatives (we, of course, don't encourage children in spanking their parents and aunts) and the Neolithic ladies "were very polite to all their husbands, and said 'idiot' ever so often." Good, light chance for training your kids to read with a sifter. My kids were all over it when they heard the Neolithic ladies say idiot. They KNOW that's a bad word! : )
Wednesday with the WORD :: Proverbs 17:27-28
He who has knowledge spares his words,
And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.
Even a fool is counted wise
when he holds his peace:
When he shuts his lips,
he is considered perceptive.
:: Proverbs 17:27-28 ::
Photos :: The Word, gifted at highschool graduation 14 years ago.
Walking the streets of Indy alone on a drizzly night. Quiet Alone-Time carved out.
Let's Talk.... "The Law of Kindness"
I was going to blog about the 18-list for today. But it must wait. My heart is being pricked and I feel compelled to share my misery.....
It is a cold and rainy Monday morning. I wake up with a whole family of 6 sleeping in my room. It is impossible to walk to the bathroom without stepping on child-sized appendages. Three of four kids are sick (now: make that 4 of 4 plus mommy). I hadn’t planned to send the girls to school. But this sickness isn’t the raging-fever kind. It’s more of the red, leaky noses and sick, droopy eyes kind. The kind that make it hard to decide whether they should go to school. But the more I thought about a kindergartner with low grades on her phonics tests and a 2nd grader with parts to memorize for the Christmas play, the more I thought maybe I should make them rough it, droopy noses and eyes and all.
So the day begins.
Handsome husband, calm, rested & smooth, takes a long hot shower. Crisp hair. Crisp clothes. Smooth jaw. Eats his cereal while reading the news. Leaves promptly at 7:30....the usual time....without the girls. They are not ready at the usual time because of the whole sickness-indecision-thing. But he thinks they should go to school because they’ve missed a lot. (My mommy-gut disagrees, but I go on...)
So Then there’s me...braid hanging. Skirt and shirt that don’t match. Ugly eyes propped open with toothpicks after yet another night chopped with baby feedings, wet beds, lost pacifiers, restless sleepers. I begin the delightful process of dressing, feeding, managing four with very few minutes to get out the door.
Karissa’s sock line won’t line up and there’s a BUMP on the corner of her sock!!! Her shoe hurts. She absolutely cannot eat her cereal unless she is sitting by baby Corin.
Kayla is lost in wonder-world somewhere as she moves to the rhythm of her own cabassa. And she INSISTS those are not the socks she laid out last night. The socks she laid out did NOT have a flower on them!
Caiden (happy, dancing, love-giving boy) is a TERROR! His nose is “stuck.” Two of his favorite blankies are peed-on. He had a rough night. He is Not. A. Happy. Camper.
Corin is beginning the twist-and-grunt routine that means the starving-baby screaming is about to begin.
Thank goodness for the nightly habit of laying out clothes and planning lunches. We manage school uniforms and cereal bowls and phonics practice and long hair and hungry babies. Me getting to the end-of-my-rope-very-quickly. Me barking orders. Me starting to feel frustration mount. Me feeling resentful of smooth-and-handsome-husband who drove to school alone this morning. (Although he did deal with necessary discipline of sin-born 3-year-old boy before leaving.)
Grab 50-pound-carseat with 30-pound infant. Open the door and realize there is an icy-cold rain. Sigh. Zip coats. Worry about asthma girl. This day is an asthma attack waiting to happen. (And we all know that 7-year-old girls with asthma are at the top of the H1N1 high-risk list.) Hoods up. Hand car keys to kids.
Then the inevitable. Caiden’s bones turn to mush. He is now a screaming mess of boneless 3-year-old tissue writhing on my kitchen floor. I get baby and girls to car. And return to administer necessary discipline to boneless screaming boy.
Then the convicting quiet of the rainy 3-minute drive to school. I urge the girls to “GET. OUT. OF. THE. VAN!” a little too forcefully. Feel guilty for not writing tardy note for office. Refuse to go into school with mismatched clothes and toothpick eyes. Drive home while 3-year-old cries that he wants to go to Grandmas. He doesn’t want to be with me, he wants to be with grandma, he says. Repeatedly.
Tears squeeze out of my tired, ugly toothpick-propped eyes and onto my unmatched shirt.
And the WORD, living in me even when it hurts, reminds me of one of my favorite passages and life-goal.
"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Proverbs 31:26
Shoulders sag with reality and conviction. There may have been law on my lips this morning. But I’m not sure I heard much kindness.
This conviction is not just that of a rushed and frustrating morning. Our mornings are not always like that. Most mornings the girls walk out the door at 7:30 with uniforms and hair and smiles and the boys and I quietly begin our day.
But this law of kindness thing has been working on me.
I believe in parental authority. Obedience is necessary, we say around here. And our kids were born with sinful tendencies. It is my job to train them. (The NIV translation of Proverbs 31:26 says "faithful instruction is on her tongue.)
But sometimes I have noticed that when I instruct. And when they disobey. When they create a delightful disaster zone in the living room and whine obnoxiously as they pick up the mess. I don’t always have a gentle tongue.
As my tongue trains, it sometimes sounds more angry or hard than it needs to.
I understand there is a delicate balance here. There are times when this brood of kids needs to be disciplined and instructed very strongly. And I’m a high-energy mom with high-energy kids. We talk and move and play and work with high energy. But sometimes I cross the line.
I have been convicted that necessary training and discipline does not give me license to talk harshly. I must be firm. But gentle. I long for authority and kindness at once.
So Caiden and I curled up on the couch, sang a Christmas-song book that he chose, and then took a nap together. (Did you know that naps help tongues and faces of tired, sick mommies?)
**********
A Bad Morning Story
It is a cold and rainy Monday morning. I wake up with a whole family of 6 sleeping in my room. It is impossible to walk to the bathroom without stepping on child-sized appendages. Three of four kids are sick (now: make that 4 of 4 plus mommy). I hadn’t planned to send the girls to school. But this sickness isn’t the raging-fever kind. It’s more of the red, leaky noses and sick, droopy eyes kind. The kind that make it hard to decide whether they should go to school. But the more I thought about a kindergartner with low grades on her phonics tests and a 2nd grader with parts to memorize for the Christmas play, the more I thought maybe I should make them rough it, droopy noses and eyes and all.
So the day begins.
Handsome husband, calm, rested & smooth, takes a long hot shower. Crisp hair. Crisp clothes. Smooth jaw. Eats his cereal while reading the news. Leaves promptly at 7:30....the usual time....without the girls. They are not ready at the usual time because of the whole sickness-indecision-thing. But he thinks they should go to school because they’ve missed a lot. (My mommy-gut disagrees, but I go on...)
So Then there’s me...braid hanging. Skirt and shirt that don’t match. Ugly eyes propped open with toothpicks after yet another night chopped with baby feedings, wet beds, lost pacifiers, restless sleepers. I begin the delightful process of dressing, feeding, managing four with very few minutes to get out the door.
Karissa’s sock line won’t line up and there’s a BUMP on the corner of her sock!!! Her shoe hurts. She absolutely cannot eat her cereal unless she is sitting by baby Corin.
Kayla is lost in wonder-world somewhere as she moves to the rhythm of her own cabassa. And she INSISTS those are not the socks she laid out last night. The socks she laid out did NOT have a flower on them!
Caiden (happy, dancing, love-giving boy) is a TERROR! His nose is “stuck.” Two of his favorite blankies are peed-on. He had a rough night. He is Not. A. Happy. Camper.
Corin is beginning the twist-and-grunt routine that means the starving-baby screaming is about to begin.
Thank goodness for the nightly habit of laying out clothes and planning lunches. We manage school uniforms and cereal bowls and phonics practice and long hair and hungry babies. Me getting to the end-of-my-rope-very-quickly. Me barking orders. Me starting to feel frustration mount. Me feeling resentful of smooth-and-handsome-husband who drove to school alone this morning. (Although he did deal with necessary discipline of sin-born 3-year-old boy before leaving.)
Grab 50-pound-carseat with 30-pound infant. Open the door and realize there is an icy-cold rain. Sigh. Zip coats. Worry about asthma girl. This day is an asthma attack waiting to happen. (And we all know that 7-year-old girls with asthma are at the top of the H1N1 high-risk list.) Hoods up. Hand car keys to kids.
Then the inevitable. Caiden’s bones turn to mush. He is now a screaming mess of boneless 3-year-old tissue writhing on my kitchen floor. I get baby and girls to car. And return to administer necessary discipline to boneless screaming boy.
Then the convicting quiet of the rainy 3-minute drive to school. I urge the girls to “GET. OUT. OF. THE. VAN!” a little too forcefully. Feel guilty for not writing tardy note for office. Refuse to go into school with mismatched clothes and toothpick eyes. Drive home while 3-year-old cries that he wants to go to Grandmas. He doesn’t want to be with me, he wants to be with grandma, he says. Repeatedly.
Tears squeeze out of my tired, ugly toothpick-propped eyes and onto my unmatched shirt.
And the WORD, living in me even when it hurts, reminds me of one of my favorite passages and life-goal.
"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Proverbs 31:26
Shoulders sag with reality and conviction. There may have been law on my lips this morning. But I’m not sure I heard much kindness.
This conviction is not just that of a rushed and frustrating morning. Our mornings are not always like that. Most mornings the girls walk out the door at 7:30 with uniforms and hair and smiles and the boys and I quietly begin our day.
But this law of kindness thing has been working on me.
I believe in parental authority. Obedience is necessary, we say around here. And our kids were born with sinful tendencies. It is my job to train them. (The NIV translation of Proverbs 31:26 says "faithful instruction is on her tongue.)
But sometimes I have noticed that when I instruct. And when they disobey. When they create a delightful disaster zone in the living room and whine obnoxiously as they pick up the mess. I don’t always have a gentle tongue.
As my tongue trains, it sometimes sounds more angry or hard than it needs to.
I understand there is a delicate balance here. There are times when this brood of kids needs to be disciplined and instructed very strongly. And I’m a high-energy mom with high-energy kids. We talk and move and play and work with high energy. But sometimes I cross the line.
I have been convicted that necessary training and discipline does not give me license to talk harshly. I must be firm. But gentle. I long for authority and kindness at once.
I’m not talking about raging, screaming, abusive fits. I’m talking about the exact edge I put into my tone and my face when things get really crazy. Letting my face say, “I’m frustrated and angry.” Instead of: “You must abide by the standards of God’s Word and this home and I’m here to help you do that.”
Bottom line: I must have the law of kindness in my tongue. Always. Every day. Especially on cold, rainy, sick-kid, sick-baby sick-mommy mornings.
This isn’t rocket science. But I long for God to grow me up even more. This law applies to dinner-table talk and husband-wife talk and every other kind of talk.
I will never be a honey-dripping, quiet-faced, never-ruffled mother. But Oh, Dear Father, forgive me. And please don’t quit reminding me and reproving me when my tongue edges away from kindness.
So Caiden and I curled up on the couch, sang a Christmas-song book that he chose, and then took a nap together. (Did you know that naps help tongues and faces of tired, sick mommies?)
Post Script :: The end of this story is not a fairy tale. I did not blog and confess and walk away magically more patient and perfect. Last night was one of the worst parenting nights I can recall. But my heart is fixed. My ear is turned. My spirit is open for His refining power in my life. And my kids are good at reminding me, too - in their own ways. Some of this is heart work. Some of it is grunt work. The Word speaks light.... the Spirit instructs, then expects me to apply discipline to instruction. Thank God for new days. And thank You, merciful Father, for accepting my tears of repentance.
**********
So...what spankings have you gotten lately? Where is the Holy Spirit growing you up and Into Him? Care to share?
1. Write about your Up-Growing on your blog.
2. Put the direct link to that post into the next number below.3 . Let us come and learn from what you’re learning!
Mommy Monday :: "Managers of their Chores"
This book is from the same website and family who wrote the book I talked about last week (Managers of Their Homes). I did not read this book cover to cover, but used it more as a reference & idea guide. I also enjoyed the online software available to book owners.
I do NOT agonize over these chores. I keep them short and sweet and I do not pick the kids to death. There are some basic guidelines, like you have to put your cleaning supplies and rags away when you're done, but I have kept it very light and even the tiniest hint of fun. There is no white-glove inspection, but ongoing training and suggestions. (But if you whine, you don't get commission for that chore.) Sometimes I even have to make Karissa (5 yrs) stop cleaning and move on to the next chore or she'll keep going. Last time, she was mopping the bathroom floor. I found her some time later in my bedroom (attached to the bathroom). She was mopping my floor too, and had pulled back the rug and was mopping under the rug! I had to make her stop. What a strange child. Sometimes she'll scrub and scrub until I make her stop.
Anyway...I got some good tips from this book to refine our process and to help me when I feel it is time to expand their chores.
The coolest thing from this book is the chore pack.
Included with the book are plastic name-tag-type thingys that have a clip. You print out core cards and put them in the pocket. They clip the chore pack on their clothes and work through their chores one at a time until the chore pack is completed. My kids are so young, I actually have them put the chore card in our chore basket when they finish it. This keeps it clear where they are in their chore process and I can check on what chores they have finished.
Caiden (3 yrs) even got a chore pack and handled it well (except for sheepishly losing his laundry chore card). His chores are a little different because he is home with me each morning. His daily "spider man chore" (as he calls it in a deep, brave voice) is to gather the laundry in the morning and bring it to the basement stairs so that I can grab it and go when I'm ready for that part of my schedule. Sometimes it's a little too heavy and he has to have help. Sometimes he cheats and only gets half the laundry and I have to take him back to be thorough. But it just gives my mommy heart the strangest little tingly thrill to see him pulling that laundry to its place by the fridge.
Okay. So my major advice about chores/commissions is this: Keep it Simple, Stupid! I tried doing the Dave Ramsey chore system earlier and was trying to get by cheap with quarters or something (don't remember exactly). But I remember that it shot itself in the foot because it wasn't dirt simple. If it's simple, you can stick with it. If it's complicated, everyone will hate it. Especially you.
My goal is not to have 3, 5, and 7-year old kids who can win a cleaning competition. I'm trying to train MYSELF to be consistent and get them used to the fact that they are valuable contributers to our home. Some chores they do simply because they live here, by the way. They don't get commissions every time they blow their nose. Just those 5 chores.
I keep the chores simple enough that they don't dread them. I feel this is extremely important at this age. At these ages, I would rather do some of my own spiffing after they're done (and not watching) than make them feel like they never-ever do it good enough to please mom. My general guideline is that I want them to spend at least 5 minutes per chore. We use timers a lot around here. When they dust, I don't make them move a million things and dust nooks and crannies. Then can even use a feather duster if they choose (but they much prefer rag-spraying). Then, as the grand finale, their 5th chore is usually laundry. They look forward to this one because they get to sit on my bed and watch a video together while they fold.
So there it is. The book is a massive resource for chore-building. Everything you ever could want to know about chores-training is in here. It's a little more than we need right now, to be honest. But it is an awesome tool. And I think it is shaping my thinking so that I can grow their chore productivity in a practical way as they mature.
Sabbath Worship :: Father-love
Matthew 7:11
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Romans 8:15
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
Galatians 4:6
Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father."
Proverbs 3:12
because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
Mark 14:36
"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.
John 3:16 (NLT)
For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.
Autumn at Home
It's a place where color abounds in any season
Mom's international herb gardens flourish and pour into hand-laid stone paths
Hundreds of details....character..blowing in the wind and tucked into every corner of this yard my brother calls a park.
Grandbabies are at home here
We eat mamma's goodness and 4 kinds of vegetables at one meal and then we sit. Hours and hours we sit and we talk and we laugh and we solve. Good times.
Did I mention character?
We lay in grass and soak up sun here. It is quiet.
The last of the prized "knockout" rozes linger past their time.
Dad's massive wood piles stand guard for the slightest hint of cold.....ever-ready for the worst winter could muster. Never a match for my dad and BIG RED (his massive red pet monster of a wood-burning furnace.)
Josephine was springtime. But Pippin is now.
And it is home.
Family Night: K10C Part 1
This part wasn't originally in the plan for our family night last week, but it was such a gorgeous day we decided to eat our family night supper at the park. By the time we got there the sun had set, so we froze our frannys. But David and I talked through chattering teeth while the kids played a little.
Why doesn't that girl's mamma teach her not to talk with her mouth full of pizza?
We made a stop at the Dollar Tree for a few supplies (discovered that the ever-brilliant David didn't know that we had a Dollar Tree, Family Dollar and Dollar General in our little town, nor what the difference was between the 3....)
Then back home for our fun evening.
I had wanted some fresh material for family night, and I recently ran across Focus on the Family's K10C curriculum (Kid's 10 Commandments). I originally wanted to buy the Family Fun Pack, but found a wildly cheap deal on the church curriculum, so I went with that. It includes the full-size board game, the video lesson set, CD soundtrack, reproducible workbook, craft & snack ideas, discussion questions, the works. (Whoever sold this entire brand new curriculum for $25.00 must not have known what they had!)
I had wanted some fresh material for family night, and I recently ran across Focus on the Family's K10C curriculum (Kid's 10 Commandments). I originally wanted to buy the Family Fun Pack, but found a wildly cheap deal on the church curriculum, so I went with that. It includes the full-size board game, the video lesson set, CD soundtrack, reproducible workbook, craft & snack ideas, discussion questions, the works. (Whoever sold this entire brand new curriculum for $25.00 must not have known what they had!)
After it came in the mail, the kids were so excited to dig in. We weren't disappointed. My weakness is trying to plan too much, but it was so fun. The first lesson covered the first 2 commandments (with Christmas coming up, we decided to do the 5-lesson VBS option instead of the 13-lesson Sunday school option.)
Here is David demonstrating what life would be like without guidelines. Starting with the mess he made of a frozen pizza by not following instructions. At first the kids thought the sprinkles-chocolate-ketchup pizza mess was cool, but they got the point after tasting the frozen concoction. (Kinda like real life...seems fun 'til you get a taste of the results....)
Here is David demonstrating what life would be like without guidelines. Starting with the mess he made of a frozen pizza by not following instructions. At first the kids thought the sprinkles-chocolate-ketchup pizza mess was cool, but they got the point after tasting the frozen concoction. (Kinda like real life...seems fun 'til you get a taste of the results....)
I cheated on the craft and bought their treasure boxes pre-made at the dollar store. They decorated them with markers. Inside they say, "This box is empty becuase my treasure is in heaven."
We made playdoh "idols" to demonstrate the silliness of worshipping anything other than the true God. David got a little carried away with his idol making. (Notice Moses poised for tablet-crashing....a dramatic scene on the video.) What a sculpting expert....Is there anything my man can't do?
The animated commandment videos are quality, in my humble opinion. The kids aren't allowed to watch past commandment 2, so they've watched the first episode over and over. They're begging for another family night.
We really don't do a big deal like this very often, but the kids love it when we do. Could family devotions be more fun?
From the Shelf: Thanksgiving Stuff!
The season of Thanks is here! I'm looking forward to some time with my little family & some hot chocolate with cream......focused on God's bounty in our lives with purposeful thanks-giving.
I admit it...I'm a resource junkie. Now I realize that having lots of resources is certainly not necessary in order to practice the habit of gratitude and to fully celebrate Thanksgiving. But they help me to have a plan for helping to focus our minds, hearts and hands in creative ways. They save me brain waves. And most of all.....resources get me excited. I can't help it. It's my kid heart, I guess. And excitement is contageous. So books & resources are a shameless priority in our budget over lots of other things.
"Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action." ~W.J. Cameron
I admit it...I'm a resource junkie. Now I realize that having lots of resources is certainly not necessary in order to practice the habit of gratitude and to fully celebrate Thanksgiving. But they help me to have a plan for helping to focus our minds, hearts and hands in creative ways. They save me brain waves. And most of all.....resources get me excited. I can't help it. It's my kid heart, I guess. And excitement is contageous. So books & resources are a shameless priority in our budget over lots of other things.
I think http://www.familylife.com/ resources are the absolute best we've found for making Thanksgiving meaningful. The first three are new this year and I can't wait to get them in the mail!! You can listen here to programs about some of these resources. It is easy to rush through the holiday on the way to Christmas and get to the other side wondering if you ever really settled into the meaning. These resources can help get everyone tuned-in weeks in advance .
Growing Together in Gratitude - a family devotional including stories of people who have been grateful even in difficult circumstances. New!
Let's Talk Turkey - printable discussion cards for the table
A Family Prayer of Thankfulness - laminated card for $.99
Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember - Barbara Rainey's classic Thanksgiving resources....available in Audio version, coffee table book & CD of Thanksgiving hymns.
The Legend of Squanto - the story dramatized on CD by Radio Theatre
ThanksLiving Treasures - This is an awesome Thanksgiving kit from Family Life, but they don't make it anymore. We got it in the used homeschooling section of our Christian Book Store. There happens to be one for sale NOW on Amazon.com! (Click the orange link.) I think this may be the first time I've ever found another one for sale - and it says it's new! Ours includes: a 6-day devotional with stories, scriptures, discussion, application, and activities. Plus a special section with ideas for Thanksgiving Day celebration. There are printed art cards illustrating points in the Thanksgiving story, as well as visual pieces to use with the lessons (a replica of the Mayflower, corn, cross, small Bible). Also: recipes, resources, websites.....It's $20.00, but it's cool!
We also have a thick red journal that we pass around at Thanksgiving each year and let everyone write their thoughts of gratitude looking back over the year. It is a treasure.
"Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving." ~W.T. Purkiser
photos :: autumn sunsets from our front yard
Wednesday with the Word
* * *
Praise the Lord.Blessed is the man who fears the Lord,
Who greatly delights in his commandments.
His offspring will be mighty in the land.
The generation of the upright will be blessed.
~ Psalm 112:1-2
* * *
Now if THOSE Living Words don't get your motor going about being a parent, I don't know what will!
This morning, Kayla called me from the bathroom. She was holding her "throne" reading material, which was a book from our new family devotions kit. She asked, "Mommy, what does it mean for God to be the center of your life?" I said, "Oh honey, don't worry with all that stuff. You'll learn about all that when you get bigger. Just put that old book away and brush your teeth."
Kidding.
I was SO excited to get to answer her! What question could thrill a mama more?
The other night during family prayer, Caiden's request was that "we will be powyerful!" He's a very dramatic boy, and pretty much everything he says is said with passion and intensity. Who knows where he came up with the request...he probably meant "powerful in fighting alligators and lions." But it certainly got our attention. Because we know of a real-life lion they must fight. We pray power for our kids. (And I often think of the goal - raising powerful worshippers - when the training gets tough and I feel I'm the one getting the brunt of the discipline.)....
We even named our boys accordingly. Caiden means "warrior." Corin means "spear-bearer." Our highest dream for them is that they will be men of God's might - driven by worship - full of the strength of His Spirit.
Now if I can just get this warrior to keep his clothes on and eat his vegetables.....
Now if I can just get this warrior to keep his clothes on and eat his vegetables.....
"Lord, I can deal with puked-on shoulders and crunchy floors and chopped-up nights if only You will give me children who are "mighty in the land".....mighty in character and love and worship and kindness and principle. Teach me to fear and worship you more freely and delight in your commandments more fully. And guide my children with your powerful hand of love. Amen!"
photos: Girltime at Chicago's American Girl.....Baby Big Boy with those eyes, that spirit.
Let's Talk Tuesday: Basic Weekly Menu Plan
I am loving my oh-so-simple current menu system. It saves me so much brain energy to have a basic weekly menu. I've tried different menu-planning ideas: (Once-A-Month-Cooking, menu mailers from Saving Dinner, Calender Planning). This one is not the most elaborate and detailed or even the most efficient, but this is my current and I'm liking it for this stage in my life and energy level. Some of this is definitely kid food, especially on the busiest days. But I can make these as quick and junkie or as gourmet and healthy as I want and add fruits & veggies. I helps me so much when I go to the cabinet or freezer to plan dinner. Most of the decision-making is already done.
MONDAY
lunch: Buffet (use up the good stuff in the fridge. My mom-in-law sends us great Sunday leftovers.)
supper: Poultry/Fish (from frozen fish sandwiches to steamed Alaskan King Crab....from barbequed chicken to leftover turkey)
TUESDAY:
lunch: Breakfast food (We usually eat oatmeal for breakfast, so this gives us a chance to enjoy quiche, omelets, pancakes, biscuits, egg wraps....)
supper: Beef/pork (tacos, pizza subs w/ ham, steak, barbeque, pork chops....)
WEDNESDAY:
lunch: Mac & Cheese or McDollar menu (quick and easy - that's my run-errands day)
supper: Pizza (David's out of town and I get 4 kids ready for prayer meeting alone. 'nuf said.)
THURSDAY:
lunch: Teaching Day - (David out of town. Kids eat at grandma's.)
supper: Frozen meals (It's late and I'm pooped by the time I pick kids up after teaching)
FRIDAY:
lunch: Sandwiches (subs, wraps, grilled cheese, turkey, egg....)
dinner: Open for Date night/Family night
SATURDAY:
lunch: Soup (chili, chicken & noodles, potato, broccoli, vegetable stew...)
supper: Pasta (lasagna, fettuccini, spaghetti, ravioli, manicotti...)
SUNDAY:
lunch: Dinner with Frys (Eggs, rolls, salad & dessert)
supper: Cereal and milk or after church randomness
So LET'S TALK....What about you? What meal-planning ideas have worked for you? Recipes? Ideas? Cookbooks? We'd like to hear if you care to share.
Here's how:
1. Write a post about your blog on your favorite meal planning ideas.
2. Copy the direct link to that post into the last number below.
3. Sit back and wait for blog-company.
Corin - 14 weeks
Hope it doesn't mess him up, to hear so many people call him "pretty." He'll probably need therapy someday.
He has graduated to the exersaucer. I love this stage, but it's bittersweet to see him grow so fast. Mostly sweet.
Would you look at those lil' squeezable rolls? I work hard day and night to feed him those rolls, thank you very much.
You know in trouble when you buy a used exersaucer for your 3-month-old and the 7-year-old and 3-year-old have a viscious battle over playing with it! Thankfully the 5-year-old careth not for the exersaucer.
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